21

"If the Mother Is with Me, Then

I Don't Need Anything"

Lachman Ben

Remembering the Mother? It is actually no more remembering; She is with us, being a part of us, and working through us. She has just moulded our life and we have to keep ourselves open to Her. This is what I feel.

I remember when I first heard about Auroville—I was in Bombay—immediately I had this thought: "Oh, I would like to have a plot of land and live there." But it took its own time.

I came here on my 40^th Birthday in 1969. I had placed my head on the Mother's lap and given myself to Her. A new life started for me. Actually I was not drawn much to the Mother. Sri Aurobindo and his teachings had attracted me. But gradually the Mother came into my life. How She controlled and moulded my life to come and stay in Auroville is really a wonder.

I had been brought up in a family where the girls were not allowed to work and they couldn't go out alone. In one of my experiences after coming and working here, I came across something which brought fear in my mind. I felt that if I had such a fear I couldn't go anywhere. I asked to see the Mother. It was in 1973. I was told, "If you go to the Mother now, you won't be able to go to Her on your birthday." I said, "Doesn't matter—to go to the Mother on one's birthday is very special, still—I need to go to the Mother now." Luckily it was arranged for me and I went to the Mother. Like a small child afraid of something I pressed my head in Her lap. I felt as if the Mother was asking me to look up to Her—not asking; it was just a feeling. I looked into Her eyes and She looked into my eyes, I

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felt her going into me through my eyes. I was feeling drawn to Her and then She blinked Her eyes. I understood the meaning and got up. It was my last meeting with Her personally and She took away my fear. This is how I could stay and work in Auroville. Almost alone, I have been struggling to work for the development of Auroville. There have been difficult times, but I feel that She is always with me and is doing everything in my life.

I remember, once when I was alone in a field, a very tall and strong villager came with some cows. I asked him to go away. He wouldn't and replied, "You will have the punya (religious benefits) if the cows eat the grass." (Cows are considered sacred by the Hindus.) He tried to confront me. I invoked the Mother: "Mother, You said that woman is a Shakti. Now I am alone here. Let me have the Shakti." After praying to the Mother, I looked at the man in the eyes and he simply left quickly taking away all the cows. That was really the Mother's Force at work.

In the same way I have overcome my sense of having security with the money power. Now we are having the new economy but when I arrived, the situation was different and I said, "Oh, how will I work? How will I take responsibility?" I had never worked. The first thing the Mother took out from me was this difficulty. I did not have to depend on the money I earned from work for my living.

Before I joined Auroville, I had prepared myself by learning to make some small clay toys and chose that as my work. As some devotees were sending to the Mother whatever they prepared for the Mother on their birthday, I decided to send the toys to the Mother. I made a toy of an elephant offering a lotus to the Mother and when it went to the Mother, She remarked, "O, Tres bien." I asked, "What is Tres bien?" I was told: "Very good." I felt that She had received my message. So Mother knows us; only we have to discover Her.

Similarly, I remember that, when I came in 1969, I wrote to the Mother about becoming an Aurovilian. I remember in April, 1970, I saw someone's birthday card given to her by the Mother. The Mother had written in French: "Bonne Fete. Avec ma tendresse et benedictions."

I could not understand French, so I asked what the Mother

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had written. She replied, "In English it means 'Happy birthday, with my love and blessings.'" I remembered that on my birthday card in May, 1969, the Mother had written, "Happy birthday, with my blessings" and given it to me. I thought: "The Mother knows this young girl from her childhood and loves her but I have come only last year. How will She know me and love me?"

But one month later when I opened the card I received from the Mother on my birthday, I was delighted to read, "Bonne Fete, with my love and blessings." It was a confirmation to me that the Mother knew me and loved me. It was really wonderful. I got tears in my eyes at the grace She bestowed on me.

Once, someone was helping me in construction work and I found that he always overspent and I had the problem of getting the additional money. Once, I was going to Bombay and it was before the year-end. He gave me the account with an excess expenditure of Rs 6000/-. I did not want anyone to owe money to me. 'To me': it was not me but a Unit (a commercial firm I was managing). I did have some personal money but that was for my own safety and I wondered what to do. I just went to the Mother's photo and asked Her whether to pay or keep it pending. I heard these words as if coming from Her: "But I am with you." I was so surprised. If the Mother is with me then I don't need anything. And immediately I withdrew the amount from my personal funds and paid the dues before I flew to Bombay. As soon as I reached there, someone offered the exact amount of money on her own. I exclaimed, "How the Mother is arranging everything in such a way that I am neither in debt nor in credit." Like that She has helped me. And recently also, after this 'new economy', there was a little struggle: whether to save the money for the future. But then I see that She has made the circumstances in such a way that I need not worry about myself. She has given me that inner faith. When She is there then we need not worry. This is how the Mother has been present in my life.

She is the golden bridge, the wonderful fire.

Book III,

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